The Kiddo

Today's ten minutes will cover the subject of my 3.5 year-old nephew, with whom I've spent quite a lot of time over the last few days. In a world where not a whole lot of 3.5 year-olds are fantastic, he is fantastic and then some.

For Christmas, my sister and I gave him a pirate outfit, which included an eye patch, pirate bandanna with skull-and-crossbones, striped sailor shirt with glow in the dark skull-and-crossbones, and a belt with which to carry the pirate sword that he already owns. Oh, and we also got him a hook for his hand, complete with a black collar to go over his hand so it looks like he really has just the hook. Don't worry: it's a hook of soft construction, approved by paranoid parents and lawyers everywhere.

On Christmas morning, my sister and I were waiting for him to arrive so he could open his present and the cuteness and hilarity could commence. When he got there, he was already sporting a Christmas present that Santa had given him: a cowboy outfit. Mini-10 gallon hat (10 cup hat, perhaps?), cowboy boots, and - and for me this was the kicker - a brown faux-leather duster. Santa had skipped the boring, overdone cowboy vest, and had gone for the floor-length duster. Freaking awesome. Santa had completed the deal by providing about fifteen feet of soft rope with a lasso tied in one end. I was quickly captured and taken to the back bedroom, which I had no idea was a jail.

The cowboy outfit was set aside once the pirate present was opened. He geared up and commenced to use his hook to open the remainder of his presents. Later in the day, my sister and I got in a sword fight with wrapping-paper tubes, and the nephew, who was playing Hungry Hungry Hippos at the time, could not run off fast enough to get his pirate sword and join in the fray. At first his approach to battle was just to stand in between my sister and I and swing his sword wildly over his head, trying to connect with either of our weapons. After a bit of that, however, he enlisted my brother (who is apparently a pirate as well) and the two of them chased my sister and I all over the house. It was a pitched battle and several wrapping-paper tube swords were destroyed, but in the end my sister and I had no choice but to submit to the pirates. They are tough types.

Later, the nephew and I found some treasure (in an empty Crate and Barrel box, who knew?) and buried it in the closet in the back bedroom, which I had no idea was a pirate cave. After hiding it, we made a treasure map so that our loot would not be lost. I was very clear that "X" had to mark the spot. After that, we polished up our pirate vocabulary, adding "Yo ho ho!" and "Ahoy, matey!" to his already well-practiced "Arrrrrrr."

I hope there is a kid in your life somewhere who is helping you to do extremely silly and joyful things.