Punishment

Before we start, let me make it clear that this post is neither of the following:

1. A complaint, per se.
2. An "oh, woe is me" attempt at garnering sympathy.

Somebody broke into my car the other night. I was informed of this when the friendly Sheriff knocked on my door the next morning. The individual managed to get access without smashing the window (my car is very easy to break in to, I've done it myself before) and didn't steal a single thing from inside the car (this might be a commentary on the value of my car-bound possessions, but I'm not offended). They did, however, make a mighty effort to get the car stereo out. The mighty effort involved doing what my insurance company tells me is $2600 of damage to the dashboard and surrounding area. Yes, $2600. There was a lot of apparent sawing, breaking, prying, and general smashing involved, but they didn't get the stereo out. What's more, the stereo still works, both of which are very satisfying facts. Even more satisfying is the knowledge that the stereo can be removed in three minutes using a Phillips screwdriver (I've also done this myself before). Stupid bastard(s), I laugh at you as you run empty-handed into the night.

Here, unfortunately, is where the satisfaction ends, because I am now out the deductible on my insurance policy. This is not a large amount, but neither is it small. Again, this is not a complaint or a whine, let's be clear about that. This sort of thing happens all of the time to lots of perfectly undeserving people, and I just happen to be the next on a long list. I'm not special or pitiful or even terribly unlucky. It's just simply that these things happen.

What this is, then, is just a baldfaced rant. When they catch the person(s) who did this to my car (which, of course, they won't - these crimes are almost unpoliceable, which is why they always happen), I want some payback. That is what everyone who has ever broken in to a car, stolen an identity, batted a mailbox, keyed a car, slashed a tire, swiped a bicycle, or otherwise committed some sort of small time theft or vandalism deserves: payback. [Bad word] like this deserves much more than the simple police record and six months probation's worth of accountability that the justice system assigns it. First of all, I think the slaps on the wrist are failing to get the attention of the perpetrators. Second, none of that punishment goes to compensating the victim for damaged property, insurance deductibles, reconstruction of identity, or driving around a crappy Chevy Cobalt rental without cruise control while their car is being repaired. I propose the following two additions to the legal penalty:

1. The convicted felon shall be forced to work at a job of the state's choosing until the wages earned at that job are sufficient to repay the victim for all financial damages plus $100/hour for time spent putting their lives back together.

2. The convicted felon shall be tied up and blindfolded, and the victim shall be allowed one swing below the neck with an aluminum baseball bat. I, personally, would choose the knee, because I think that would hurt the most and would have the biggest chance of leaving a life-long impression (read: limp). This is completely barbaric, of course, but if I had been given this option right after having seen my destroyed dashboard for the first time, I don't think I would have passed it up. The [extremely bad word]s who do this to other people need to be damn well punished, and the victims deserve some [also bad word] satisfaction.

And no, I'm not re-editing this post later when I calm down about it. Sometimes it is good to rant.