I'd Like a Dodge Neon and Some Coffee Beans

I often wonder about the flow of logic in the marketing/advertising rooms of major corporations that results in promotions like this:


Bob: So, we need to drum up some business. How about we run a special offering 10% off all rentals longer than three days?

Roger: No, no, that won't work. That's going to cost our company way too much and offer far too much savings to the customer.

Bob: Okay, fine. Lots of people drink coffee while they drive, how about a $20 gift card at Starbucks!

Roger: No, no, that won't work either. Our CEO kicked the crap out of the Starbucks CEO last time they played squash, and the Starbucks CEO called our CEO a "limp-wristed cheater who can't think outside the box."

Bob: Damn. Can't say that he's wrong, but that's unfortunate. What companies are we already partnered with in terms of marketing?

Roger: Tidy-Bowl, Preparation H, Penthouse, and Dunkin' Donuts.

Bob: Okay, how about we offer a Penthouse -

Roger: No.

Bob: Fine. A Dunkin' Donuts gift card. Twenty bucks. You can buy a lot of donuts with that kind of coin.

Roger: Great, I'll call Roger over at Dunkin' Donuts. (Makes call) Roger says no go on the gift cards. People might actually use them. He did mention that they have about nineteen tons of their signature coffee beans that have sitting for two years in a warehouse in Duluth. They'd be happy to unload them on us.

Bob: That's it! Two pounds of coffee beans if you rent a car twice with us!

Roger: Yeah, that works! It's like every time you rent, you get a whole pound of coffee beans!

Bob: Awesome! And the tie-in is obvious: People like to drink fresh coffee when they drive. They have to pay for that, though, I mean, what are we, a coffee shop or a rental car company? But we are so generous as to give them the promise of future coffee while they're driving with us!

Roger: Future unground coffee, no less!

Bob: I love it!

Roger: I love you too! I mean, I love it too!

(Awkward pause lasting three hours)