Star Attack and My Elijah Hat

Among the enjoyable aspects of having dinner over at my mom's house is the pleasure of spending time with my four-year-old nephew Elijah. He is one of the five or six most fantastic children in the universe, and we have some excellent adventures together. When I walk in the house tonight, he is nowhere to be seen. I learn that he is downstairs playing with Gabriella, my sister's husband's daughter. I walk down to the playroom and find Gabriella on the stationary rowing machine, casually rowing away. Eli is, of course, on the elliptical trainer. He is alternating between pedaling (running? What exactly is it that you do on an elliptical machine? Elliptify? Ovalate? Wait, scratch that last one.) as fast as he can and taking short breaks where he goes slowly or, sometimes, backwards. The picture of a four-year-old working an elliptical machine is entertaining in and of itself, but then I hear him call out to Gabriella, "We need more bullets!" I've got to find out what the story is here, so I interview him:

Me: Hey, buddy!
Eli: (Does not stop pedaling) Hey Uncle Tyler!
(Note: All of his dialog should be imagined in the cutest, most hilarious four-year-old accent possible, complete with the occasional substitution of "l" for "w." In this case, "Hey Unka Tywa!" Seriously, I love this kid so much I could pop.)
Me: So, whatcha doing there?
Eli: We're star attacking!
Me: Oh yeah, what's that?
Eli: We chase down the bad guys and attack 'em!
Me: Oh, of course!
Eli: And Gabriella ("Gabwee-ewwa") is making bullets!
Me: I'll bet she is! How's the bullet-making going, Gabriella?
Gabriella: (Completely at ease with the entire situation) Great! (By the way, Gabriella is nothing short of fantastic. She will make a great babysitter someday soon.)
Eli: (Suddenly) Bad guys ahead! (Pedals frantically) Get 'em! Make more bullets, Gabriella!
Gabriella: Okay! (She rows faster)

Later, I am recruited to be the bullet maker:

Eli: Okay, Uncle Tyler, you get on and you make bullets now!
Me: Okay, let me just get my feet strapped into the bullet maker.
Eli: Yeah, strap your feet in so you don't fall out into space!
Me: All strapped in! How many bullets do we need?
Eli: Well, we already have lots.
Me: Oh yeah, how many?
Eli: Like a million zillion million zillion!
Me: Wow, that's a ton. So you don't really need me to make very many, do you?
Eli: (Pauses to think about this) No, you need to make more because we need a million zillion million zillion million zillion million zillion!
Me: (Starts rowing faster) Okay!

Later, after the Star Attack mission has concluded successfully (albeit with only a million zillion bullets to spare), we decide to trick the family into thinking that Eli is a hat. I drape him around my shoulders, go upstairs, and start showing people my Elijah Hat. He is very quiet and tries not to laugh. He is deeply entertained to find that the entire family thinks that he is a hat. They even compliment me on the wide brim of my hat, and its stripes. And the fact that it appears to be wearing socks. When my sister asks where Elijah is, he whispers in my ear that Elijah is at home. I relate this information to my sister, who feels silly for asking such an obvious question. After I've shown my hat to every member of the family, we go to the back bedroom and revel in our success:

Me: We fooled them all! They thought you were a hat!
Eli: I know! We fooled them all! They thought I was a hat!
Me: That was pretty good!
Eli: That was great! (Pause) Okay, let's go fool them again! What can I be this time?
Me: Uhhhh.... (considers ways in which a four-year-old can be worn) How about a belt?
Eli: (Explosive giggles) Yeah!

Our brilliant ruse works again! I spend the rest of the evening showing off my Elijah Belt (buckle curiously shaped like a small boy's hand), then my Elijah Boot (definitely waterproof, but would rather not be taken outside to demonstrate this), and finally my Elijah Backpack. My sister puts an apple and two dishtowels in the backpack (well, in the outer pocket of the backpack, which happens to resemble pants). The backpack does not move or squirm at all. He is committed to his role.

I think that Eli would agree with me that while it is a little embarrassing to have a family who can be so easily fooled, we must forgive them for their gullibility. We are, after all, a very good fooling team. The bonus here is that Elijah's younger brother has just turned one, which means in a year or two we'll be a three-man fooling team, which drastically expands our repertoire of fooling options. My family will not have any idea what hit them.