Two Thoughts On Food

1. I have mentioned previously in the this space that lunch is a meal that, for me, does not require any variety whatsoever. This is not to say that I don't like lunch, but rather that if I ate the same thing for lunch every day until the end of the universe, I would be okay with that. (In this example "the same thing" is roughly: turkey sandwich, possibly with some ham, possibly with cheese, definitely with mayo [chipotle mayo or Miracle Whip, actually], with a side of either fruit [oranges, pears, apples] or chips [Sun Chips, Wheat Thins]) Dinner, on the other hand, is a different matter. Dinner is variety time. I can handle eating the same thing for a few nights in a row, but I do so out of pure convenience. When possible, dinner should be different every night, with repeats coming only weekly.

One thing that I can eat just about every week between October and April is that classic, dependable, tasty, simple MVP of American cuisine, grilled cheese and soup. Don't get me wrong, I also enjoy the hell out of some complex Thai-French-Moroccan-Fusion-style ultra-modern cuisine where the food is stacked cleverly on the plate and words like "rémoulade" are involved, but few things compare to a can of Cambell's Chunky Chicken Corn Chowder and two pieces of American cheese melted on slightly-crispy bread. First of all, the Chicken Corn Chowder is the absolute Cadillac of canned soups, with its fantabulous chunks of chicken, delightful kernels of corn, and other assorted vegetables swimming gleefully in a heavenly cream base. Add to that the perfect simplicity of gooey, meltey, crispy grilled cheese, and for about fifteen minutes, the entire universe is in darned good shape. Also, if you are watching "Jeopardy" during this time, life is even better. To sum: Yum yum, grilled cheese and soup.

2. Men are dumb. I mean, we strive daily to lower the bar of dumbness, to the point that it is now somewhere below the sub-sub-basement and not even the freight elevator will take you down there. I was reminded of how dumb I, a man, am this past weekend when I was talked into completing the late-night food trifecta. To wit: After a good ol' time shaking our asses at a friend's wedding reception, a group of friends and I went to Steak-n-Shake to get some satisfying late-night grub on. It was at this point that Brad and Lou brought up the Trifecta. This is sort of like the Triple Crown for Dumbasses Who Really Hate Their Digestive Tracts. The idea is to, in one night, visit and eat food from the three major outlets that sell food for morons after 11 p.m.: Steak-n-Shake, White Castle, and La Bamba's. Long story short, the Trifecta has passed from the realm of myth to that of witnessed, recorded fact. Each in our own way, Nate, Lou, Brad and I accomplished this feat, as did Lou's wife Heather, who deserves many many medals and probably a gift certificate to a very nice spa for her willing participation in and shockingly open-minded tolerance of the Trifecta.

So, you ask, was it worth it? Clearly, no. I would strongly, strongly, strongly and in other thrice-repeated harsh terms recommend against doing this to yourself. There is literally no reason on earth to do this, aside from the fact that your idiot friends think it would be a good idea. I have no idea what is wrong with Brad and Lou that they would invent the Trifecta and then actually decide to accomplish it. As Lou says quite often, "I hate my friends." Well, he is right do to so. Looking back, I still am baffled at how I was talked into this, and more baffled at how little resistance I offered to the idea. Perhaps I was in an impressionable state at the time, or perhaps I am, despite my attempts to be otherwise, merely a sheep. Good Lord.