Wednesday, November 28, 2007

A Big Canyon in Tiny Bits

It has become readily, exhaustingly apparent to me that I simply don't have time to do a long, in-depth, don't-post-it-until-the-fourth-or-fifth-draft entry about the trip to the Grand Canyon. Instead, I'm going to squeeze in small semi-edited bits here and there, and hopefully I'll get the major insights and experiences out in some course of time. (Stated goal: before Christmas).

Statistics demand that you probably can't say anything about the Grand Canyon that hasn't already been said, and you probably can't take a picture of it that hasn't already been taken. This fact, of course, fails to prevent you from sucking in photographs and spitting out verbiage, because the thing is just simply so damn big and so damn magnificent. I had the good fortune of visiting it once before, but only for a single day, eight years ago, as a waypoint between Indiana and California, and in a somewhat hurried and exhausting fashion. When I returned with my dad a few weeks ago, I was initially struck in exactly the same way as I had been on my first trip: My brain simply decided that what it was looking at was impossible, and therefore clearly had to be a two-dimensional movie backdrop. The majesty of the view is still deeply moving, but it is so large and so absurdly magnificent that initially, it feels flat and unreal:

And the more you look at it, the more it sort of wears at your brain with its beauty, which is a pretty wonderful thing to have wearing at your brain, because you can't stop looking at it in the same way there are days when you can't stop looking at the clouds in the sky. It demands attention.

My first look at the Canyon this trip came in the center of the South Rim village area, which is extremely well done for a heavily-tourist-infested national park. Nonetheless, some of the majesty is lost when you're staring out at this brilliant vista and your moment of peace is continually interrupted by Ray-Bob and Nadine and the rest of the Billyjack family posing for one million photos three feet away from you. This is not to say that I resent the Billyjacks or any of the other hoardes. Everyone should get a chance to see this big damn thing. It's just that it is, for me, in a deeply personal way, very important to get the hell away from them, and that is what Dad and I did, post-haste.

It had been mid-afternoon when we arrived at the park, and the light was starting to fade, so we took the shuttle bus eight miles west of the village area and started hiking back along the delightfully deserted rim trail. This is a fantastic introduction to the canyon, because as you walk next to it, it begins to gain depth and life, and the movie-backdrop effect wears off a bit. When you're hiking along a trail that is ten feet from a thousand-foot vertical drop, that third dimension is definitely in play:

Also wonderful is that despite what I'm sure were the efforts of literally thousands of lawyers, roughly 95% of this rim trail is unencumbered by a railing of any kind. It is good that there are places in the world where people are still allowed to interact with nature in a way that may kill them. Adding to the sense of depth brought about by such a palatable precipice, the sun grew low as we hiked, shifting many of the canyon's features into peaceful relief, which revealed another level of dimension and texture:

The shadows stretch, the layers of mist are illuminated and then released into the darkening pockets of rock, and you still can't stop looking, except now in an entirely different way, almost as though you were now standing before an entirely different object than the one that flattened itself across your mind a few hours previous. The rim trail alternately juts into and out of the canyon, so that at some points the view is relatively closed off by peninsulas on either side, and at other points, when you round one of those peninsulas, an entirely new and stunning view awaits you. The westward view of the previous photo is completely different than the eastward perspective waiting around the next turn:

At some point before the sun actually dipped below the canyon rim, we came to Hopi Point, the midway stop on the western shuttle bus route where the infesting hoardes come to watch the sun set. We stopped briefly to watch day's final departure, and then quickly hiked the heck out of there, back eastward to the next bus stop, which was much less populated. Even after jumping on a semi-crowded bus and riding back to the village area, even after a long day of travel and a fantastic if brief hike, even with hardly any light left at all in the sky, we still spent another twenty minutes just standing on the edge, watching it get dark. The sight of the canyon faded into the blackness, but its presence did not.

And then we grabbed some spaghetti and meatballs at a park restaurant (food quality: refreshingly adequate), drove two miles to our hotel in the tiny town of Tusayan (population: a handful of park employees, eight hotels, eight restaurants, one grocery store, one gas station offering fuel at $3.69 a gallon, one airport, and, no kidding, one IMAX theatre) and tucked in early to rest up for our big darn hike down into the canyon. A good first day.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Beatable

This week's NFL thought is brief and to the point, as I have just returned from Turkey Break and have a lot of laundry to do, papers to grade, exams to write, etc. etc. So I give you this, quickly:

The Pats are beatable. Very. They look terrifying and dominant because they run the score up on demoralized teams in the fourth quarter. But this week, they just barely won, at home, against a .500 team that has looked truly lousy at various points this year. Leading this near-victory was a downright mediocre backup QB with one more career TD pass (twenty-three) than INT, a gentleman who singlehandedly gave the game away by throwing two picks directly to the deeply-overrated Asante Samuel.

So, and this is not a new sentiment, this Pats team is the clear embodiment of all that is evil in sports.

But, and this is somewhat new (although the faithful but battered Colts showed us this a few weeks ago), they are definitely beatable. Mortal.

Heal up, Colts. We shall persevere.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Apologies from Out West

You may have noticed, if you care at all any more at this point, but there was neither a "No TV Wednesday Post" nor a Sunday NFL musing. Many apologies. Last Wednesday I left to drive across the Midwest in preparation for a professional conference in Phoenix. These conferences consist of academic types sharing and debating their (wait, "our") latest work in a variety of formats, and generate in me, in equal thirds, the following reactions:

Reaction 1: This is completely fascinating! I am very interested in this particular paper/subject/speaker and this inspires new directions in my own scholarship.

Reaction 2: I am quite possibly the most illiterate, empty-minded, poorly-read, inattentive, and generally stupid person on the planet, as I have just sat through the reading of yet another paper which made, literally, no sense to me at all. None.

Reaction 3: This is a whole damn lot of intellectual self-pleasuring that has little or no application to anything that matters in the known universe (including on as-yet-undiscovered planets with their as-yet-undiscovered life forms), and most of the time I'm not even sure that the speakers really understand or believe the academibabble that they're spewing.

Oh, and Reaction 4, which sort of informs all three previous reactions: My career may or may not depend on schmoozing / networking / drinking with some / all of these people. Sigh.

So that happened. And there was no internet in my hotel room, hence the silence.

But! There is internet in my current hotel room, here at Grand Canyon, (park literature does not use the word "the" to preface the canyon, as though it were a canyon discovered by William Grand or something) where my dad and I are earning our stripes as burly hiking men and really just enjoying the hell out of ourselves at this Big Damn Hole in the Ground. There will be a forthcoming post about Grand Canyon adventures, specifically today's Twelve-mile hike down the delightfully-named Bright Angel Trail into the canyon and to the forgettably-named Plateau Point. Or maybe it was called Peninsula Plateau. Promontory Place? Anyway, it was a stellar hike. More on this later.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Colts at Bolts: NFL Triage Edition

I'm writing this during the Sunday night Colts-Chargers tilt, which has morphed from an actual football game to a "which Colts fan in the stands wants to play offense?" contest. After having lost our backup backup left tackle and one of our guards, we now have no more offensive linemen (besides the five left on the field), and only 15 active and able offensive players available at all. And Peyton keeps throwing the ball to the guys in the wrong hats. Five times, to be specific. This is turning into an unmitigated disaster, but really, at some point, you just have to shrug your shoulders and say, "hell, what are we supposed to do?"

As I've been saying, it's all about the postseason. Right? Right?

Ugh. Super ugh. Double ugh.

In other NFL news, I have no other NFL comments because I was trapped for three hours watching an awful play written by a supposedly famous playwright in which a dead serious late-second-act rambling diatribe on the Israeli/Palestinian conflict was delivered by, and I'm not making this up, a ventriloquist dummy. Oh, and this was a comedy. Really.

Strength and honor, Colts fans. We will persevere. Maybe not tonight, but we will.

EDIT ONE HOUR LATER:

Holy jeepers we just might pull this out. I mean, good Lord. We have no players! We have nobody! Dungy put on a helmet a second ago! We might see 73-year-old Tom Moore in there, reading glasses and all!

Moral of the story: Never give up. Not on this team. Never. Man I love these guys. Seriously. No matter who wins this game, I love this team. Love 'em.

Prediction, with 5:12 left in the game: Adam Vinateri field goal wins it.

EDIT POSTGAME: Oh wow. He misses from 29 yards? The clutch-est kicker ever? Just brutal. But: I love this team. We will prevail. Sigh.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Some photos and general ramblings on a No TV Wednesday

I'm a bit out of breath from sprinting through life just now, so apologies for the odds-and-ends approach. But it is something. First, a few photos that have been hiding in my phone for a few months:

An ad for an energy drink native to Canada:

We actually took them up on the deal. It wasn't terrible. Neither did it have any fur in it.

Really? You want to name your company after yourself? You sure about that?


I was sitting on my couch the other night when this guy ambled across my apartment, strolling casually from the kitchen to the dining room:

I went over to investigate, as it was the biggest damn spider I'd ever seen inside. He was completely unperturbed by my presence, which is always a bit unnerving, as bugs are supposed to be scared of you. He felt the wrath of my shoe shortly thereafter.

So if an olive loaf is made with olives...


The art gallery across the way had on display some classroom exercises in 3-D cardboard sculpture. Whoever made this one is secretly my soul mate. One day we will live in joyful, OCD symmetrical bliss:


I suspect that the aforementioned artist/soul mate also works at World Market in the Chair Stacking department:


Not to be outdone, a friend and I made a stack of our own late this summer. Please consider the degrees of difficulty: rounded bottom of an empty beer can, rounded bottom of an empty beer bottle, plastic cup with ice in it, outdoor venue with crosswinds. The stack actually went several items higher, but I don't have a photo of that at the moment.


And second, and completely unrelated to anything else:

Ever historically-minded, I've been thinking lately about a sort of line of inheritance of American comics. It starts with Pauly Shore, is passed on to Chris Elliot, then to Tom Green, Andy Dick, and now Sarah Silverman.

(This is obviously not a line of which I think highly.)

Major traits of the line: Primary reliance on being either deeply offensive, relentlessly irritating, or both. Pervasive commitment to acting unaware of previous trait. Short life in the public eye followed by near-total obscurity. I suspect Ms. Silverman's relatively attractive exterior will keep her around for a bit longer than average, but the whole deal is a one-trick-pony, and it won't last.

Other submissions to the above line? Or objections to who has been included? I know that at least one of you is out there going, "Hey, what gives, bro? Lay off Encino Man, buuuuuuudy!"

Monday, November 05, 2007

NFL Thoughts

Okay, a couple of things first before we get to the obvious one.

1. Congrats to Adrian Peterson for breaking the single-game NFL rushing record, which is now no longer held by a former drug convict. Thank you also, Mr. Peterson, for failing to convince me to draft you on any of my fantasy football teams, because Lord knows I didn't need those 48 points this week (my teams: 0-3, guh.)

2. Bigger congrats to one Antonio Cromartie for breaking the NFL record for the longest play. This is cool for a number of reasons, the biggest of which is that it is a record that can never be broken. You can't return a ball farther than 109 yards. It's physically impossible.

3. We learned that the Niners are really really bad, the Saints might actually be turning it around, and that Marvin Lewis is not going to be employed at the end of the season. We also learned that hell has frozen over, as the Lions are 6-2, the Packers are 7-1, and the Browns - THE CLEVELAND BROWNS - are 5-3.

4. Okay. I'm depressed but not crushed about the Colts 24-20 loss to the Pats. What did we learn?

We learned that our defense is pretty freakin' good, especially considering we were down three linebackers (Morris for the season, Keiaho and Hagler last night) and had at least two DBs dinged up at points during the game. If the offense had been able to make literally two more plays (Reggie's long drop being the big one) that game would have gone our way. The D showed up strong, but just got worn down in the end.

We learned that it is hard to beat a good team when you've got as many personnel gaps as we have. Without
- the aforementioned LBs,
- a key starting interior lineman (injured in preseason),
- our franchise left tackle (retired before the season started),
- franchise WR (possibly suffering a career-damaging chronic pain condition),
- starting left tackle (rookie, injured),
- first round draft pick (starting WR, injured during the game)
we still were up 10 points in the 4th quarter and were two plays (again, Reggie's drop, and obviously, Peyton's fumble) from having a very good shot to win that game. These sound like excuses, I know. But they're not. They're an assessment of the facts. We lost, and we deserved to lose. But these facts tell us something else that we've learned:

We learned that the Pats are good, but they aren't the all-seeing, all knowing, all-masterful Lords of the Freaking Football Universe. I was prepared, if they had come in and stomped us by 21, to concede that title to them. But they looked really bad for a long time, and even when they looked good, they were largely 1.5-dimensional (Randy Moss and half a Wes Welker). They can't run the ball, and they can't stop the run. They may still go undefeated, but it's because they play teams who would struggle to defeat Sweet Valley High's JV team. (Steelers and maybe Ravens aside).

We learned that they are also a dirty football team. This isn't a surprise, of course, but the leg whip on Freeney was just blatant. And dangerous. And clearly intended to injure. And, I assure you, the sort of play that is endorsed by their coach in the "if you can get away with it" frame of mind. Of course, this isn't a surprise. We didn't really learn it, it was just confirmed.

We learned that Randy Moss is tall and that he can run fast. Whatever.

We learned that sometimes games actually can be won and lost in the first quarter. Our first three trips inside the Patriots' 30 resulted in a total of 6 points. When your personnel is depleted, you must score early when you're fresh, or the long grind will get you. It got us.

We learned that - and I must give credit for this point to Jeff and Biggs - we might be better suited to win outdoors in the Foxboro winter muck than the pass-first Pats, which would be a delightful irony.

So that's what we learned. I feel a little better now. Still, losing after being up 10 halfway through the fourth is a bit of a stomach punch, but at least I have a very clear understanding of why it happened that can not be summed up with the word "choke."

We shall persevere. Strength and honor.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Oh, hell...

So tonight seemed like an excellent night to be insightful and reflective and blabbity blah blah and then there was a play I forgot to see and a deadline that crept up on me and [whine whine whine in preparation for pathetic apology] I'm sorry, but I just dern well ran out of time.

But this: Through a small but necessary alteration of personal routine, Wednesday has become no TV day for me. All day, no TV. This really should not be a big deal, but it kind of is. Does anyone else regularly go an entire day per week (on average) without turning on the TV at all?

And this: I'm going to take advantage of the no-TV-Wednesdays to post something weekly. Anything. Even apologies for not posting are better than no posts, right?

Also: Possibly, in an effort to break the "I never ever ever do anything productive on Sundays" theme of the last thirty-two years of my life, I'm going to start writing on some Sundays, specifically about the NFL, because it is ridiculous not to write about something that I enjoy so very much the hell out of.

Prediction: Colts 31, Pats 28. No fear. Concern, perhaps, but no fear.