The Armed Bard of Middle America

If you don’t frequent the interstates around Urbana-Champaign, Illinois, then you probably aren’t aware of the lyric poet making his mark in that region. This socially conscious artist, equipped with only his wits, his convictions, and state-of-the-art sign making equipment, has set out to change the political beliefs of literally thousands of American drivers. His inspiration appears to be the one-line-per-sign roadside jokes of Hee-Haw* fame. If you didn’t watch Hee Haw, you’ll see what I mean in a minute. The subjects of his verse are wide ranging, so as to appeal to the broadest possible audience. [Apologies for the blurry quality of some of these photos, but photography at 75mph is not a precision activity.]

He reflects the nervous state of America with regards to terrorism in this cautionary ode:

He demonstrates his deep understanding of our nation’s history:

Concerned about home invasion? He offers solid advice:

And finally, if you were worried about the potential dangers of your local shooting club:


“But,” asks the average interstate traveler, “where might I find out more about this poet’s beliefs? His witty rhymes have piqued my curiosity!” The Bard will not leave you in the dark, dear driver:


Regardless of your position on 2nd Amendment rights (and there are variety of viewpoints on that issue that I feel are respectable), you’ve got to admit that this is comedy of the highest order. The chain of logic that resulted in the posting of these signs is nothing short of inspired genius:

1. I support the 2nd Amendment and wish to share my views with the general public.

2. The general public often drives on interstates.

3. They’ll be driving 75 mph, so I’ll have to keep it brief.

4. And pithy. And memorable.

5. I’ve got it! Four line rhymes! Thank you, Hee Haw!

6. Plus, I’ll start a web site. Now to think of a memorable address….

And again, regardless of your stance on firearms, a whirl around www.gunssavelife.com is pretty entertaining. You can find links to articles such as “Nickelodeon – the Brainwashing Network” and to the book Dial 911 and Die: The Shocking Truth about the Police Protection Myth. And, should you wish to demonstrate your personal lyric prowess, you may go here to submit your very own roadside poem and one day passers-by might be treated to your brilliant lyrics. So get off your lazy mental ass and make some art, dammit! I have made the effort, and in doing so have discovered a vast wealth of personal poetic talent:

My brother owns guns
As does Charlton Heston.
They’re both excellent guys,
But you don’t want to test ‘em.

When the feds come around
To take my arsenal
I’ll give them more trouble
Than Johnny Carson’ll.

Look for my work on I-74 westbound, mile marker 197.

*Yes, Hee Haw was a part of my rich but strange childhood. So were Grape Nuts. Give me a break.